Love and Friendship
by Ilmare1
Summary: Estella, Legolas friend & beloved elf, fell from cliff and become cripple the rest of her immortality. How does she cope with it? *FINISHED* killl me if u want, but not perfect ending
1. Introduction

Disclaimer: I don't own the Fellowship. (, but I own some of the Original Character. & Legolas. *g*. Sorry if my language isn't perfect. English isn't my native language & I hardly use it to write stories. Be gentle on reviews. No flames pls.  
  
Thanks for people who reviewed on my previous fanfic. I am very fond of Galadriel & since I couldn't possible writing her having an affair with dear Legolas, I must pick up an original character that is like her.  
  
Part I: First Meeting  
  
~Estella~  
  
"How is she? " I rushed to Lord Elrond as soon as he came out from the room.  
  
Lord Elrond looked at me. I saw the look in his eyes and I knew. My heart sank.  
  
"I am sorry, but nothing I can do. Its too late." Elrond place his hand on my shoulder, try to comfort me.  
  
"Don't blame yourself Estella. You have done what you could do. She has been wounded so severely. She is only a hobbit. I think even an elf cann't survive such wound. Grief for a while, but don't allow that grief to overcome you. "  
  
I nodded. I sighed deeply and went outside, tried to find some solitary place to think.  
  
It's the worst part of being healer. Unable to heal, unable to help. Seeing those you heal dying, and then gone. And you cannot help!! I had seen many of people I helped died, still I cannot get used to it. Sometimes I really wished I didn't have feelings so I wouldn't feel the pain when people I tried to heal finally died. But then, if I didn't have feelings, I didn't have compassion too. How could I be a healer without compassion?  
  
It was night when I finally found a perfect place in the woods nearby Rivendell. I found a beautiful beech tree and climbed up. I sat on the branch and looked upon the stars in the velvet sky. I tried to remembered the days of my life. Hoping it would give me somekind of comfort.  
  
I was an orphan. My parents were killed by orcs when they tried to protect a human village near Lorien. I was still a baby by the time they died so I couldn' t recall anything about them. Everyone always mention them with respect and love, though, so I thought they must be very very wonderful elves. They said I inherited their compassion and respect for others, not merely for our kind ( the Elves) , but to other kind as well. Those are rare characters among the Elves. Elves are very compassionate to their kind, and they often help other races too. But elves are very proud of their races. Consciously or not, they regard themselves highest creature in Arda*** and not bother to hide it. I in other hand, see all races are equal though Elves has more advantages like immortality than the other race.  
  
Galadriel adopted me and raised me as her daughter. She saw me as her blood daughter and treated me so well. She was a very affectionate mother and I wondered how I could repay her for her kindness to me.  
  
I lived with my foster mother for a thousand year, learning from her as much as I could, trying as best as I could to be a good daughter. It wasn't hard. She always very pleased with me and never demanding. It is as if I bring her joy just to be who I am. That's very comforting, since I wasn't a "perfect princess". I was very fond of healing art and I enjoyed archery, sword fighting, and horse riding. I was stubborn, independent, and proud. Celeborn, my foster father always said that when he saw me, he saw a young Galadriel.  
  
Then I felt desire to see the world and asked her permission to travel outside Lorien.  
  
She sighed deeply and looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes "I love you like I love my own blood daughter, Estella. How I wish to have you near me and protect you.  
  
She paused and looked away,"I grieved a lot when my daughter, Celebrian, passed away. Never in my long immortal life I grieved so deeply. I felt that I would die of grief. It's not always easy to choose to live. Immortality isn't always a blessing. "  
  
She looked at me again and smile softly "Your parents called you Ethuil* but I named you Estella** when I adopted you for it reflects what you bring in my life."  
  
I wasn't surprised to hear them. "Mother, I love you very much. If you don't want me to go, I will not go."  
  
She smiled at me again. "You may go my beloved daugher. I love you and so I must set you free to find your own path. You have my blessing. Don't expect to have everything go smoothly, but may all you see and experience shall strengthen you and make you wiser. And never loose hope, my Estel ."  
  
I travelled and I saw so many turmoil and pain. I saw many deaths and despair. I was very shocked when one of my best friends, who I regard as my brother died in my arm and nothing I could do . In my sorrow, I found my path for living. I wanted to become a healer.  
  
I told my decision to my mother and she agreed. She gave me her blessing like before and sent me to learn from Lord Elrond. So I stayed in Rivendell and learn medicine, herbs, and healing magic. I helped Lord Elrond while I was staying here and yesterday I just came back from my journey to find some herbs from Bree. That's when I saw the girl near Rivendell, she was stabbed in her shoulder. I knew she wasn't well & I couldn't help her so I took her on my horse and brought her to Elrond. But it was too late! I wondered what has stabbed her for her wound was unusual. I think it must be a sword with something evil in it.  
  
I stopped my pondering when I heard someone was singing a sad song in Elvish. His voice was sweet and comforting to me, so I listened and I started to feel sleepy.  
  
~Legolas~  
  
I walked into the forrest singing lamentation for my friends who died by orcs who attacked them while they were guarding gollum. I wasn't very close to them, but I really felt sad. It was then when I saw something or someone fallen from the tree.  
  
CRASH  
  
I saw the body hit the ground before I could catch it. Then I heard she yelled. It was a girl! I thought she was a male-elf by the way she dressed. I helped her got up and asked if she is fine.  
  
"Are you all right, my Lady?" I sounded very worry, and I did.  
  
She blinked few times before she could opened my eyes and looked at me.  
  
"Yea. Yes. I am fine. " she looked very embarrassed.  
  
"Why did you fell?"  
  
"Uhmm… I fell asleep, I think. I heard your song and I started to feel sleepy. It must be then I fell asleep and lost my balance."  
  
She finally able to stand up, shaking off dust from her clothes. She was tall and slender, taller and more slender than other female elf. Her haid was long and hazel. She was beautiful, though not the most beautiful. And her eyes! They were hazel and showed her strength of heart and determination I never see in any other maiden elves, but they also shined with deep compassion and gentleness.  
  
"I… I … I better going. " she said. She looked down and still looked embarrassed. The fact that she fell from a tree must have hurted her pride very much.  
  
"I will go with you."  
  
"No, no, I am fine. "  
  
"No, its fine. I am heading back too. You lived in Rivendell right?"  
  
"Yes. Well, OK then."  
  
~Estella~  
  
Ughh… that's soo embarassing. I was caught falling from the tree. I tought the elf was going to laugh at her, but he wasn't. He showed only worry.  
  
I walked with him back to Rivendell. I didn't pay much attention to his appearance. I was still shocked. We walk in silence because I still felt embarassed.  
  
"Whats your name, my lady?" He broke the silence.  
  
"Oh.. ehmm.. Estella"  
  
"And yours?"  
  
"I am Legolas from Mirkwood"  
  
I bowed to him. I've heard of him, the Prince of Mirkwood. The prince charming every maiden dreamed of ever since he arrived in Rivendell . Except for Arwen of course, and me.  
  
"No no no, don't bow to me. I hate it when people bow to me like that. Please. And don't call me Lord or Prince. Call me Legolas."  
  
I smiled to him. " And please don't call me Lady too. Estella is enough."  
  
"That's a very beautiful name.. Estella"  
  
I nodded "Galadriel, my foster mother, gave the name to me."  
  
"Wow, Galadriel? Your foster mother? Hmmm that's interesting."  
  
"Yes, she is the best mother I could dream of after I lost my parents."  
  
We silenced for a while and then he asked finally asked the question I feared.  
  
"So.. why are you here?"  
  
I sighed and reply," I know you would ask that question. What would an elf maiden do alone in the forrest, in the middle of the night and dressing up like male. That would surely make everyone curious."  
  
"Well, no. I mean, yes its rather weird, but I am more concern about you fell from the tree sleeping. So I wondered what has happened to your bed. I couldn't help wonder if someone steal it. "His eyes sparked naugthly.  
  
I couldn't help but smile. I was relieved he didn't see me as weird naugty elf girl so I told him the story.  
  
*Ethuil = spring in Elvish  
  
**Estel = hope. So I guess Estella means hope too. (.  
  
***Arda = I read that Elves call Earth as Arda, but I am not sure.  
  
This is how they meet. Do you like it? I know its so long and somehow boring. But I couldn't help writing more bout Gladriel. I promise there will be more action and romance next time. I will continue if I got some reviews. Thanks. 


	2. Friendship Grows

Part II : Friendship Grows  
  
~Legolas~  
  
I felt attracted to Estella since the first time we met. She was different from any other maiden Elves at her age. She didn't shy away from me, nor looked at me with a you-know-what-it-likes-if-you-adore-cute-Legolas look or worst of all, drooling. She had very good knowledge and point of view about everything compared to Elves at her age, even the male elves. I enjoyed it very much when we talked about. She didn't hesitate to argue with me politely when she felt necessary. That made me like her more. Only few dared to argue with Prince of Mirkwood. The thing I liked most when I was around her was I could became myself. Its hard to be myself in front of people in my position. That's why I didn't talk or socialize much. But with her, I could be me, Legolas, not Prince of Mirkwood, and certainly NOT Prince Charming in bedtime stories.  
  
Our frienship grew and flourished quickly. It was a platonic one. I didn't feel any romance to her and neither did she. We just laughed together and enjoy each others company. Sometimes we had deep conversations about ourselves, sharing our experiences and feelings.  
  
"Hmm…. So what are our Prince Charming doing here while everyone is dancing in the hall, Lego?"  
  
I turned to see her smiled at me mischievously. I frowned," Don't tease me, Princess. You KNOW I hate the Prince charming thing, & don't call me Lego. Or I'll kiss you." I tried to tease her back. She didn't like being called princess.  
  
She laughed hard. "Kissing me? Not until you can beat me with your sword."  
  
"OK. That sounds fun. So what are you doing here? Why don't you enjoy the feast?"  
  
"I was pretty bored. Don't you know that many maiden-elves has envied me deeply because of you, Legolas? They are not being very nice to me ever since you came. "  
  
"Really.. I wonder why. "  
  
"Silly you. I got a horse for my own now, I named her Eryn, come and see her."  
  
We went to the stable and fetch Eryn. Estella looked very happy with her new horse. Together we raced our horse to the wood and talked until midnight.  
  
"Do you hear that ? " she whispered  
  
"Orcs." I heard them and prepared my bow.  
  
The Orcs came and attacked us. There were about 20 or so. We shot them with arrow before they could come near, but there were too many of them. Some of them approach Estella. To my surprise, she was very skilled with sword. I could say that I couldn't even do better.  
  
We didn't have too much trouble killing them since they were not to many.  
  
"Come, let us go from here. We couldn't face more." I said to her as I put down my bow. Then I flinched. I saw blood dripping from my feet. I didn't notice before that an Orc's have managed to cut my foot.  
  
Estella immediately ran to me.  
  
"Let me see that."  
  
" No. Its fine. Its only a minor cut. Wont do me any harm. I am an Elf. " I smiled to her.  
  
"No you don't. It might be poisonous."  
  
"No its not." I tried to shoved her away from my wounded foot.  
  
" You will let me see that. Now get down from your horse. " she said sternly, shocked me a lot by her anger.  
  
I let her examined my foot while I sat under a tree. I saw her carefully cleaned up my wound and put some lotion to it. She was gentle and quick. Soon I felt no pain and I walked to our horse.  
  
"You surprised me." I said as we rode back to Rivendell.  
  
"I am sorry. Elves are the most difficult patients, so I learn how to be strict very early in my career." She laughed. " You must admit you feel better. That wound will heal itself within few days without any help. But I fear poison. "  
  
"Yea I know. So, you want to be a healer like Elrond? You'll make a good one."  
  
"I am already a healer. I help Lord Elrond quite a lot you know."  
  
"Do you ever think of marriage? "  
  
She chuckled when she heard my question," Hmm I wonder if any Elf want me as his wife. I am not ugly, I know. But I am not ordinary girl. If you know what I mean. I don't close that option if someday I could find someone I love and love me in return and let me go my path as a healer. I believe that I live not for my own happiness. My true joy is when I see someone else in joy."  
  
I pondered about her answer. What a pure soul she had. If everyone else had such heart, then there would be no evil. I looked at her with love, with friendship love.  
  
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That's it for now. Thanks for the reviews. Review again pls. I really love reviews. I think this will make a long story though. Sorry if I made many mistake in my language. I am very busy right now. The only fun I can do is write or read fanfic. 


	3. The Departure of the Fellowship

Part III: The Departure of the Fellowship  
  
~Estella~  
  
Few days after I found the dead girl in the woods, I knew what had killed her. It were the sword of Nazgul. I didn't know why the Nazgul stabbed her, but I knew who exactly they were after.  
  
Frodo Baggins, the Ringbearer came to Rivendell by Glorfindel's horse. He was stabbed by the Nazgul and started to pass away when he arrived. Lord Elrond and I worked night and day without asleep until we were sure he would survived. The spell was strong, & we both fear the wound wouldn't heal completely. But that wasn't the bad news.  
  
He brought a Ring..and so on and so on. ( you guys know the story. Hate to summarize it.)  
  
Legolas was the only Elf chosen to accompany Frodo on his way to Mordor. Lord Elrond told me that he offered himself. And I wasn't very happy about it.  
  
But nothing I can do.  
  
"Why did you offer yourself?" I asked him one day when we went horse riding again. We didn't go far. The encounter with the Orcs few days before warned us about the darkness in Middle Earth that seemed to grow stronger and stronger.  
  
"Nothing important. I guess it will be an interesting adventure to me."  
  
"Your reason isn't strong enough for me. It's a very dangerous journey and I know you better to tell that you don't give much care about the Ring or the Hobbit or Middle Earth."  
  
"Well, come on. I am not that bad." He grinned. "But.. oh.. well.. I guess you know me better than I do. You are right. I don't care. I only thought it would be fun. Killing many Orcs."  
  
"Its not a game. Go if you want to, but you MUST come back safely, Legolas." I looked deeply into his beautiful blue eyes.  
  
" Is that matter? " He chuckled. He didn't seem a bit worry about the journey. I didn't think he valued his life enough. He simply indifferent about himself. It is as if he didn't even love himself.  
  
I was pretty upset by now. " Yes it is. It matters to me. I knew very well how you felt about your own self. You simply think no one cares for you so you don't care for yourself either. Well, that's wrong. You are a precious friend to me. I care for you. I care for you, Legolas, you are my best friend and I don't want to loose you. " I snapped at him angrily. Then I rode Eryn away in hurry. I was furious, and worry. Afraid that I would loose another friend again.  
  
~Legolas~  
  
I was shocked to hear what Estella told me. Since my mother died, I didn't know anyone who trully loved me because of me. I didn't even have trusted friend. But here go this girl, who trully cared for my well being sincerely, who got angry at my ignorance for my own well being.  
  
I didn't get much chance to talk to her anymore. The Orcs had increased in number rapidly. They attacked very often everywhere, causing much trouble and battle. Estella and Lord Elrond were very busy treating the injurreds. Not having anything else to do, I accompanied her, assisting her and Elrond in everyway I could.  
  
The more I knew her, the more I liked her. She was a very good healer, being second in charge after Lord Elrond in Rivendell's Healing Rooms. Her compassion and gentleness with patients touched my heart deeply, especially when I saw her treating non-Elves as loving as she treated her fellow Elves.  
  
Sometimes Estella and I would have to go looking for the injured in battlefield. I admired her courage and fighting skill very much, reminding me of the stories I hear about young Galadriel. Estella was one of few Elves I knew who could use sword skillfully*.  
  
It was in the battlefield when I first thought that I might be in love with her.  
  
But I must go. I have chosen to go with the rest of the Fellowship.  
  
I promised her I would came back, that I would regard my safety better than I used to do. Then I departed from Rivendell.  
  
  
  
That's it for chapter 3. I hate making long chapter. But this story will be long. So, be patient. No long update, I promise you. I cant help by writing! I am still excited about this story. Keep reviewing pls. I don't know much about Tolkiens world, so I need your feedback. Plus.. I don't really pay much attention on my language. So, if its bad, tell me.  
  
*someone mentioned in review that Elves don't use sword. Well, I guess that will make Estella exceptional. (. I wasn't sure if Celebrian died or sailed away. Some ppl said she died, some said she sailed to Grey Havens. I have to pick, so I killed her. Lol. 


	4. Proposal

Part IV: The Proposal  
  
~Estella~  
  
The day passed quickly. I didn't have time to worry about Legolas. There were so much to do. Lord Elrond spent less time in Healing Rooms since he had to prepare armies, sent messages or some sort of thing. Lord Elrond appointed me to be in charge in the Healing Rooms making me worked double hard. Arwen helped me a lot, which was a great relief. Some Elves who worked there were really a pain. They disliked me because they were here first, but Elrond appointed me instead of them. They seemed most reluctant to do what I ordered them to, despite the fact that I was the supervisor.  
  
And that problem is nothing compared to trouble ahead of me.  
  
I walked alone to nearby wood, tried to catch some fresh air after a very rough day. Some of my patients died in my arm with most painful expression on their faces and some of them wailed day and night for pain and terror, driving me insane. Finally, one of my subordinate Elf refused to follow my order and pushed me to my limit. I couldn't take it anymore. I handed my work to Arwen and went outside.  
  
The night wind were cool and refreshing, bringing sweet perfumes of the forrest. I perched on a branch, thinking about the day that just passed. Tears streaming down my face freely as I sobbed quitely releasing all the feeling that had been bottled up for weeks. The pressure had been too high.  
  
Then I heard some voices not far from me. I stopped my sobbing and listened. If there were Orcs I wouldn't able to fight them alone. Its better for me to stay there quitely hoping they wouldn't notice. I lived in Lothlorien and able to hide in trees well, even an Elf couldn't spot me easily.  
  
I heard Elrond and Glorfindel's voices nearer. They sound like discussing something important. I was about to jump down and greet them when Elrond mentioned something which froze me in shock.  
  
"So you ask my permission to wed Estella?"  
  
I froze there for a moment, unable to move. I couldn't help but listen attentively to their conversation.  
  
"Yes, Elrond. She is amazingly beautiful even only few could see it. Besides, she is Galadriel's adopted daughter. "  
  
"Is that why you want to wed her? Because she is the Lady's daughter and heir?"  
  
"No. I like her most because she has strenght, courage, dignity, more than any maiden elf I've met my entire long life, Elrond. She will make a perfect match for me."  
  
"Then you should know she isn't going to accept this bethrotal easily."  
  
"I know. But I know she wont refuse if you or the Lady ask her."  
  
"She has chosen a path to be a healer, Glorfindel. You know what that mean.It means Other people will be her first priority, not her self. Most people will find a healer is a lousy wife. "  
  
"I dont wed a girl because I expect her to be my mother or my nanny, Elrond. You know me better than that. I just need a partner who can match me. "  
  
Elrond looked upon the sky for some time, contemplating Glorfindel's words. " I don't have the power to give her hand to you. You must ask the Lady and Estella herself. Wait until the war is over, though." Elrond walked away, leaving Glorfindel behind.  
  
I still sat in the branch, paralized. Apparently I lost my alertness and maybe half conscious . Glorfindel looked up, and accidentally saw me.  
  
"Estella?"  
  
I was suddenly awake from my trance.  
  
" I am sorry. I didn't mean to spy. I just overheard you too." I was nervous. I jumped down from the tree and ran away.  
  
"No. Please don't go Please, come back. I want to talk you."  
  
I stopped and came back. I wouldn't disobey him since he is one of the Eldest among our kind and Elf with Royal blood as well.  
  
"So what do you think?" He tried to make an eye contact with me, but I looked to the ground instead.  
  
"I….I… don't know what to say, my Lord."  
  
"Just say you'll be happy too. "  
  
I stood there speechlesss for long time. He finally broke the silence," I am sorry you have to hear about it this way. I actually planned to propose you openly after the war is over. But now.. well… just let me know what you think right now."  
  
I tried to find every courage I had and looked at him. " I couldn't marry you my Lord."  
  
He didn't quite surprise. He looked back at me and asked,"Why?"  
  
"I… I….I… have someone else in my heart." I looked away from him.  
  
"Is that Legolas the Prince of Mirkwood?"  
  
"No."  
  
  
  
So? Who does she love? Whats going to happen with their relationship ? Next chapter will be about Legolas come back from his quest and speak to Estella about his feelings. Review Please please please. I am very new at this. Help me to write better. 


	5. Legolas Came back

Ideas keep roaming in my mind. I have to write it to relief myself. Sigh.. now I could surely use writer's block. But if no one reviews, I'll keeep the ideas to myself.  
  
Part V: The Prince Returned  
  
~Estella~  
  
"He is a Galadrim and his name is Erundome, my Lord. He was my first love and forever shall be my love." I turned my back, avoiding Glorfindel's eyes.  
  
"What happened to him? Why don't he come to see you? "  
  
"He sailed away. He couldn't resist the calling of the sea. He promised me he would return to me and I shall wait for him faithfully. Now, if you excuse me my Lord. I must go. I have a lot of work tomorrow." I excused myself and ran.  
  
I lied to him. It was true I loved Erundome deeply, but as a brother. He would never come back because he didn't sail away. He was murdered by the Orcs and died in my arms. He didn't want any of his parents die of grief and asked to me to bury him in the wood and tell everyone he went sailing. Only Galadriel knew the truth for I couldn't hide anything from her prying eyes.  
  
I just didn't want to get into more trouble. Legolas and I never tried to hide our friendship. We never bothered about what other people think about us. But now its different. Its Glorfindel and he wanted me to be his wife. Besides, I didn't love Legolas.  
  
Or did I?  
  
Well, that didn't matter. No time for love.  
  
I worked and worked. The war of the Ring brought so many victims. The Healing Rooms were always full. The Last Homely House had been transformed into Healing House. ( it would be hospital in our world). Not all patients were Elves. I insisted on treating the other races as well and I didn't discriminate. I even treated Dwarves. None of my fellow Elves willing to treat injured dwarves and nothing I did could make them change their mind. I couldn't ask more from Arwen since she was as busy as I did. So I had to work on my own with little help from servants who didn't dare to challenge me, but had very little skill in healing.  
  
Years passed by so quickly. The Ring had been destroyed, to everyone's relief. But the pain lasted. The war had changed the face of Middle Earth, leaving many victims I must take care of.  
  
"Hi Princess." I heard a familiar voice behind me.  
  
"Legolas! You came back. " I exclaimed in joy. I almost hugged him, but I restrained myself.  
  
"Nay, this isn't Legolas. This is his ghost."  
  
"Oh you silly Elf. When will you change?" I hit his arm gently.  
  
"Never." He laughed.  
  
"So, how are you?" I asked.  
  
"Alive."  
  
"I can see that. So you kept your promise then." I smiled to him.  
  
"Yea, I must. I don't want you or my fan girls die of grief because of me. "Would you attend the Feast tonight? I've waited so long to see you wearing night gown. " he smiled .  
  
" I would love to. But I couldn't. I have work to do in the Healing Rooms. Besides, your fans wont be too happy to see me." I grinned.  
  
"Oh no. Fans? Well, maybe they will after Frodo this time?"  
  
"No way." I laughed.  
  
I never thought I would be so happy to see him again. He changed so much. He looked so mature. His childish self seemed to fade and his new Self had arose. His indifference to the world had gone. He was so much wiser, and compassionate. As the night fell, I couldn't help but notice the light within him radiated more than before.  
  
~Legolas~  
  
I finally met her again. How I missed her. She didn't change much since I was gone, but she was a lot more beautiful than I remembered. We talked about ourselves and what had happened to us until sunset.  
  
"Lady, Lady, Andre doesn't seem very well. He is wailing and screaming again." A servant girl quickly ran to us when we talked.  
  
"Sorry Legolas, we have to chat latter. One of my patient needs me." She walked away hurriedly.  
  
"I'll go with you."  
  
I ran after her and followed her into a room. I saw an Elf, who I suspected had been tortured badly by the Orcs, lied on a bed shaking. It looked like he had a nightmare because he screamed and begged to his unseen torturer to stop tormenting him. His eyes wide open in terror. I shuddered at the vision. I couldn't imagine what the Orcs had done to him.  
  
Estella knelt beside the bed and held his hand. "Now now, Andre. You're having a nightmare again. Its over. Shh… ." she talked to him in comforting, yet stable voice. She didn't seemed to be bothered by the scars and wounds that covered the entire Elf's body nor the terror and pain that was written in his face.  
  
Andre woke up and saw her. "I am sorry Stella." He whispered. His body stopped shaking and he held her hand tight. "There's nothing to be sorry about. Everything will be fine. I'll be here with you tonight, so I'll be here when you need me. Rest, OK?," she smiled at him and placed his hand back. She took a bottle on the table beside the bed and poured it to a cup. "Here, take this potion. It reduces the pain and help you sleep soundly. " He drank the cup and fell asleep again.  
  
She looked at me, "I must stay with him tonight Legolas. He needs me. I am sure you could see that."  
  
"I will accompany you then." I answered.  
  
" No, there will be a Feast honoring you and the Fellowship, you must not dissapoint Lord Elrond. And you must get your rest."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
" I don't like parties. And I could sleep in that couch. Its my routine Legolas. Don't worry about me." She smiled. "Now hush you. Your girls are waiting for you." She grinned and pushed me away gently.  
  
I attended the Feast but my mind wasn't there. I couldn't get my mind of the poor Elf and Estella. I never saw such affection in my entire life. Its true that I knew some who was as gentle and caring. But I never saw one show such compassion to a total stranger. I knew that she never even hesitate to do the same to the Dwarves.  
  
I decided that I better take a look at her and I excused myself. I knew I dissapointed many maiden-elves there, but I couldn't care less.  
  
I saw her sleeping on the couch across Andre's room. Her face was paler than usual. She seemed to be very tired. Her hair tangled and unbrushed. She only wear a very plain gray gown with few blood stains here and there. Maybe she hadn't wash herself today. Despite her appearance, she was the most beautiful creature I ever seen. Her faces showed her gentleness yet she had strong heart. She was very graceful even when she slept. Her Elven light glowed so radiantly through her fair skin, it lighted the dark room more than the moonlight. She looked so pure, so innnocent.  
  
"Aranel*, I brought you some food."  
  
She woke up. "Thanks, Prince Charming." She smiled and put the tray to her lap.  
  
I looked at her while she ate her food. She got the prettiest eyes I ever seen. Those pretty eyes looked so gentle but weary.  
  
"What? You never see an Elf eat before?" she broke the silence.  
  
"Nothing. Its just …, you are so tired Estella. Why don't you take decent rest?"  
  
She sighed. " I cant Legolas. He's been through unimaginable terror. The physical wounds aren't the worst part. He will live. But his soul was broken. I have to help him."  
  
I didn't answer. I knew what she felt. Maybe I would do the same if I were her. Or maybe I would just run, shunning away from the horror. I couldn't face such a misery even though I wasn't the victim. But she, she remained strong for others in any condition.  
  
I took the tray out and came back. She was sleeping. I sat beside her, then I gently picked her head and put it on my chest. I wrapped my arm around her. She moved her head on my chest to find more comfortable position, but she didn't awake. I carressed her hair slowly, singing lullaby in soft voice. I spent my whole night hugging her. I realised, I couldn't love another girl.  
  
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Is it too long? I try to be short but I guess I like long explanations. I am kinda worried its too boring. Thanks for your reviews, pls review again.  
  
*Aranel means princess in Quenya.  
  
Legolas and Estella doesn't like to be called Prince or Princess. So, calling another Prince or Princess doesn't mean they adore each other. They use the nickname to tease each other instead. They are both Prince and Princess but don't like the fact ppl respecting them for their position. They prefer ppl respecting them for their inner qualities.  
  
Misty, thanks for your reviews. I realy really appreciating them. How Glorfindel know about Legolas? Everyone knows. They didn't keep their friendship in secret. That's why the maiden elves envy her for being so close to their adorable Prince. 


	6. Part VI: no title, yet

Part VI  
  
~Estella~  
  
The next few days Legolas helped me in Healing House. I could feel his gentleness and love toward me grew. I knew he didn't see me as his best friend anymore. Its deeper than friendship.  
  
I thought I also fell to him. I never felt in love before. I always guard my heart from love. Love would only bring me more trouble. But now I really couldn't resist his love. He loved me for who I am, even though I often being annoying and harsh.  
  
I was worry about Glorfindel too. I feared he hadn't change his mind about his proposal. If he asked mother for my hand, how could I refuse? If we got married while I loved Legolas, would it not bring more pain to everyone? This was the first time of my life I felt so afraid.  
  
I tried to keep distance with Legolas and I shun from Glorfindel as well. But I know this couldn't last forever.  
  
One day Lord Elrond summoned me to the Hall. To my surprised, Glorfindel was there. My fear grew more and more intense, I could very well guess what this was all about.  
  
"Sit there, Estella" Lord Elrond pointed at the chair.  
  
I sat on the chair he pointed to. It was next to Glorfindel's and I was very nervous. I looked down, avoided his eyes. His hand tried to touch mine, but I pulled it away and put them on my lap.  
  
"I heard that you already knew about Glorfindel's intention to wed you, Estella."  
  
"Yes, my Lord." I bowed my head. I didn't dare to look at his eyes, or Glorfindel's.  
  
"I also knew, Erundome died. He didn't sail away."  
  
Oops.. but how did he find out?  
  
"Lady Galadriel told me, Estella." Glorfindel answered my silence question.  
  
" I am very sorry I lied to you, my Lord. Please forgive me."  
  
"We forgive you. Don't worry. We wont hold it against you." Glorfindel's eyes still on me, making me nervous although his voice soft and assuring.  
  
"I want to ask for your hand in marriage, Estella. I want to go to Lothlorien with you to talk about this with your parents."  
  
"You know I don't love you, my Lord." I still fixed my eyes at the marble floor as if it's the best piece of art I ever saw my whole life.  
  
"Love will grows, Estella. Am I such a hard man to love?" he seemed to be desperate.  
  
I couldn't speak. I really wanted to cry, to run. I couldn't imagine wed with someone I hardly know, and surely didn't love. I was always a free person. I was so afraid being bound to someone in marriage, losing my freedom, losing myself. I imagined my dreams as a healer shattered as I must fullfilled my duty as a wife to her husband. I felt the warmth of tears in my eyes. I suppressed my feelings. My pride would never allow anyone see me cry, especially Glorfindel. I held my tears and raised my chin. My eyes filled with determination not to show my fear or sorrow to any of them.  
  
"I will leave this matter to my mother."  
  
"You can go whenever you like, Glorfindel. I will release Estella from her duty in Healing House."  
  
"Do you mind if we departed next week, Estella?" Glorfindel looked at me.  
  
'As if my opinion matters to you.' I thought in anger. "No, my Lord."  
  
"You may go now Estella. Prepare yourself for the journey."  
  
I was very relieved because the talk is over. I walked out slowly. Its getting harder to suppress my feeling. I went to the stable and fetch Eryn. In the middle of the wood I climbed to a beech tree and sat.  
  
'This is the tree I sat on when I fell and met Legolas for the first time.' I smiled as I remember how embarrassed I was being caught falling from a tree. Tears streaming down my cheeks while thoughts kept roaming wildly in my mind. 'I wonder if our friendship, and maybe our love, has any future. Perhaps we can still be best friend. But he loves me, it will hurt him dearly. Dear Eru, why I have to be born a female? If I am a male, I surely doesn't have to go through this mess. No one could decide for me to whom I shall be bethroted to.'  
  
I let down my guard, didn't pay attention to my surroundings. I didn't notice someone or something was coming behind me. 


	7. Part VII: revised

Part VII :  
  
~Legolas~  
  
I was sitting on a tree when I caught Estella crying. It was the first time of my life I saw her in tears. I knew she must be in great sorrow for she didn't shed tears easily. Estella didn't seem to notice me so I let her cried.  
  
It was very painful to see her cry. I would gave everything I could to stop her crying. She was such a nice girl, giving her life to heal people in need, but who would heal her broken hearted? I kept sitting, unmoving until a squirel jumped on the tree I was perching and shook the leaves.  
  
"Who is it?" Estella was alarmed. She held her sword tightly.  
  
Her keen Elven eyes spotted me grinning on the tree. She surely didn't look happy to see me.  
  
"What are you doing here? Are you spying on me?" she spoke to me indignantly with her brows frowned.  
  
"I am sorry. I don't mean to surprise you or spy on you. I was sitting here meditating the beauty of this wood when suddenly I saw you coming."  
  
She fixed her eyes on me as if searching for any lie I might tell her. She could be very unkind if she wanted to, and that character often drove her to many difficulties with another Elves. Finally she was convinced that I told the truth. She wiped out tears in her eyes and let out a deep breath.  
  
I jumped across and sat beside her. "Whats bothering you mellonim? I am all ears if you want to talk." I spoke to her kindly. I tried to embrace her but she refused.  
  
There was a deep silent between us as we sat together. She had managed to hold her tears and gazing beyond the sky. I didn't push her, knowing it would only bring more harm than good. She would speak by her time.  
  
"Glorfindel wants to marry me. I am leaving to Lothlorien with him next week and he will ask my hand from my mother." She broke the silence. Her tone was neutral.  
  
It took me few minutes before I comprehend her words. "This can't be! " I finally exclaimed, totally shocked.  
  
"Yes, it can be. Why not? " Her tone still neutral, as if she was dreaming.  
  
My heart sank. I didn't know what to say or what to think. I surely didn't want to loose her. I surely didn't want her to marry someone else.  
  
"Could you just refuse the bethrotal?"  
  
" I'll try to talk to Mother. But I cannot refuse if Mother wants me to marry him."  
  
Suddenly I grab her hands and said," Marry me."  
  
~Estella~  
  
I looked at his deep blue eyes in surprised. He really meant it and I knew.  
  
"No, I cant."  
  
"Why not?" He kept grabbing my hands. He tried to made an eye contact with me but I avoided his eyes. I couldn't stand the loving gaze that shimmered out of his beautiful blue eyes.  
  
"Because I have decided long ago I would never marry you." It took every determination from myself to speak it out because I knew the consequnces. It would cease all hope for our love.  
  
He looked more puzzled than taken aback. " You do? But why?"  
  
I sighed and answered," First of all, I am a healer. My work is my life. I don't have time for romance or if I am getting married, take care of children and husband. I wont make a good wife for you. Second, I don't like being imprisoned in marriage. Third, and most important," I paused.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't want to sail away. Middle Earth is my homeland and I shall devoted my life as a healer for the welfare of its inhabitant forever.  
  
He finally understood. We had a talk about the sea and how he longed to sail away. I knew the call of the sea flowed in his blood, in every vein in his body. It was too strong to be denied or controlled. I understood the feeling all too well. I had seen the sea and I had felt the lure. The only thing that kept me from going away was my path as a healer. Mother told me that Elves whom the sea had called could never escape from its persuassion, unless the sea was not the strongest calling in his/her life. My calling as a healer had conquered my deep passion to sail, but it wasn't an easy battle. 


	8. Part VII: Love means letting go

Part VIII  
  
~ Estella~  
  
My eyes met with his deep blue eyes as I spoke. They were as grave as I ever saw and it pierced my heart. If only there were other way… but I could not go with him, and he could not stay either. He must yield to the call of the sea or else he would suffer. He would loose his joy, and I could not bear it.  
  
We sat quietly, not daring to stare into each other's eyes. I didn't know how I felt or how he felt. No one knew what to say or what to do, so we sat apart from each other, enjoying the nature.  
  
The dusk settled in the west, shining golden rays through the trees. Birds went back to their nest chirping. Wind blew softly playing with our hair, whispering soft sweet sound as it gently quivered the branches and leaves. The fume of the flowers lingered in the air, reminding me of Lothlorien, my homeland. I looked around the forest in awe. It had been a while since I immersed in the beauty of Arda. How could I forget I, an Elf, born to love the beauty of nature? All my problems faded, I just sat there meditating and embracing the beauty surrounded me.  
  
"You always get so preoccupied when you daydream. A swarm of Orcs might kill you before you realised you've been killed. " Legolas suddenly broke the silence, startling me. I almost fell from the tree again, but Legolas held my arms. He smirked at me, but his eyes still glowed with sadness.  
  
"I am sorry. The beauty of the forrest enchants me. " I blushed in embarassment.  
  
Legolas let out a giggle. " I remember you fell from this tree when we first met."  
  
"Yes, stupid isn't it? Looks like I have lost my touch." I smiled again. I was relieved we stopped talking about marriage and back to our normal conversation.  
  
~Legolas~  
  
I didn't know if I should feel dissapointed at her rejection of my proposal. After all, I knew her answer before I asked. She would never leave Middle Earth to sail with me. She had her life here, and she was content with it. Romantic love wasn't everything, she always said. She had had broken heart more than once, all because she couldn't quit her work and be a wife, but she survived through them. I guessed one more broken heart wouldn't matter too much for her.  
  
But it was for me. Never in my long life I fell in love like this. Her rejection sent a tidal wave of pain to my heart. I was willing to give everything to have her. Anything. Except her happiness. 'When you truly love someone, you will care of her well being more than your own. You will give anything to see her grow and unfold herself even in the process you must loose her. * ' Arwen's words echoed in my mind as I reasoned why I didn't feel like dying for broken hearted, instead I felt joy in my sorrow. Was that mean I love her trully? I smiled at the thought.  
  
"Estella, why don't you just tell Glorfindel about your feeling? Maybe he'll quit chasing you." I spoke out my mind. I would help her out of this trouble for sure, as a friend would.  
  
"I will try, but I don't know if it works. You know how the marriage thing in Middle Earth, don't you? Female has no right to speak."  
  
"I believe Glorfindel is not such a person."  
  
" I surely hope so."  
  
  
  
I jumped from the tree and looked up "Lets go back, the night has fell already. I never see you join any Feast, so I insist that you go tonight and enjoy yourself. All the Hobbits will be there, and Gimli too. I bet he will be the next one proposing you. You have caught his heart being so alike Lady Galadriel. "  
  
Estella smiled and jumped down from the tree. We both mounted Eryn since I didn't bring my horse with me. I sat behind her, smelling the sweet scent of her hair, feeling the warmth of her body. I took a deep breath. It would not be easy to let her go.  
  
  
  
*this quotation I derived from Erich Fromm's definition of mature love.  
  
So, how do you guys like this chapter? Don't worry about the story. It will have a great ending, though maybe not what u think. I am in the dark mood and wanted so much to see them suffer. What do u think? Haha. I am evil.  
  
Pls review. Contructive criticsm is welcomed. You can also email me to send your review at hazelbunny@wildmail.com. I will love it very very much!!!. 


	9. Part IX

Part IX : The Feast  
  
~Legolas~  
  
I gasped as my eyes met Estella's beauty when she entered the Hall. Her hair was brushed and delicately braided. She wore a simple dark blue dress with flower and leaves embroidered around the neckline and the trail of the dress swept the marble floor lightly as she walked gracefully. The dress was skillfully sewn with sleeves hanged loosely and the dress had a low neckline, which exposed her fair skin. The fabric shimmered as if it caged the melancholic light of the moonlight as it smoothly wrapped her slender figure. There was a mithril necklace with an exquisite sapphire pendant glowing around her neck, adding the luxury of her appearance. She was astonishingly beautiful like I never saw her before.  
  
She wore a broad smile as she approached me," You look silly starring at me that way. Stop it."  
  
"Looks like I am not the only one around here looking stupid. " I grinned. "Look around, those male-Elves are drooling when they see you. And the maiden Elves! They might drop dead any minute envying you. "  
  
It was true. I saw some jaws dropped and some seemed to have heart attack seeing her. They couldn't take their eyes of her. I believed none of them ever imagined the boyish maiden Elf they knew would able to look so graceful and fair. They kept starring at her along the Feast; at least until Arwen made her entrance.  
  
Arwen was always looked a lot fairer than Estella, but tonight they were like twins. They had same brown eyes and hairs and they dressed up in almost alike dresses. Only the fabric was different from Estella's. Arwen's dress was made with dark blue velvet with little gems shaped like stars stitched to the fabric giving impression of a night sky painted with stars. She also wore exactly the same necklace as Estella's.  
  
"This is Arwen's idea. She insisted we wore the dress and jewels my mother made for each of us when we celebrated our 100th birthday. I didn't have any other formal dress anyway, so I agreed." She smiled.  
  
"Well, well, well. You two looked like twins. The fairest ones I ever saw my whole life."  
  
"Thank you very much for pairing my humble feature with Arwen's. I couldn't do it without Arwen helping me on my hair."  
  
"She must. I don't think you could even brush your hair." I teased her, still impressed by their appearance.  
  
"At least I know how to think." She laughed again. Her eyes fell on some girls on the corner who stared at her in obvious loath for jealously. "They give me idea. You must dance with me tonight. I am more than eager to torment them." A mischievous grin spread on her face.  
  
"Bad girl." I grinned wider. I bowed to her and asked, "Shall I have the honor to dance with Aranel (Princess) of Lothlorien tonight, my Lady?"  
  
Estella gave me her hand and replied, "My honor to dance with Prince of Mirkwood, and Prince to every girl's dream, my Lord." She restrained herself to laugh, and I could see that she tried very hard to look serious and proud.  
  
We couldn't stop ourselves from giggling as we danced together. " I think we cannot pass this night alive, Estella." I smirked. "The envious girls looks like they 're ready to murder you and the drooling guys are ready to shoot their arrows on me." Estella finally burst into laughter and we both laughing and dancing at the same time. Our laughter finally died and we danced slowly, following the rhythm. I wrapped my arm around her waist while we were looking at each other eyes, enjoying the music. We were so close with each other. I could smell the scent of her floral perfume lingered around her. I could hear her heart beating. I wished the time would stop.  
  
"Well, you never tell me you have such a beautiful lover, Legolas." I turned and saw Aragorn smiling at us with Arwen holding his arms.  
  
"We are not dating, Estel. We are merely friends." Estella smiled at Aragorn. Her words sent a longing to my heart, reminded me about the talk we had earlier. My eyes turned grave, but I kept my voice as merry as possible, I didn't want to ruin the happiness, "We are not as fortunate as you, my friend."  
  
I saw Aragorn and Arwen smiled and looked at each other's eyes with pure love. I envied them deeply. Would I ever found the joy they shared?  
  
I didn't have much time contemplating and pitying myself. The Hobbits entered the Hall, scurrying their bare feet, laughing and chatting cheerfully.  
  
"Wow, you have pretty girlfriend! " Merry exclaimed.  
  
"No, I am not his girlfriend." Estella laughed.  
  
"Yes, you do. Why not? You two make a perfect match." Sam continued.  
  
"Oh hush you naughty Hobbits, we are just friends. " I answered them. Estella looked at me smiling. It was obvious she was pleased with my answer.  
  
"Yea right." Pippin grinned.  
  
"Trust me. We are friends." Estella tried to convince them, but in vain. She slipped her hand away from mine, realising that we still held our hands after we stopped dancing.  
  
"Noooo! We wont trust both of you! " Merry and Pippin laughed together.  
  
"Then trust me. They are friends." Suddenly Glorfindel appeared behind us. I turned around and saw him smirking, but there was slight jealousy in his eyes.  
  
"Hey come on, I see the way you two looking at each other." Aragorn didn't sense the awkward atmosphere between Glorfindel and us. He surely didn't know Glorfindel's intention to court Estella.  
  
"You can fool no one, Legolas." Merry spoke up again, still laughing.  
  
"I think we better get some food. I am hungry and the food smells very appealing." Estella excused herself from us and went to the long table.  
  
~Estella~  
  
I took a plate and started to eat when I felt Glorfindel sat right next to me.  
  
"You look so beautiful tonight, my Lady." Glorfindel tried to make a conversation with me. He had eyeing me since I entered the Hall. I wanted to have some fun without my problem haunting me so I had ignored him completely.  
  
"Thank you, my Lord."  
  
"Glorfindel, Estella. You can call me Glorfindel."  
  
I ate quietly. When I finished I quickly excused myself from him. I wanted to join the Hobbit at other side of the table where they sat and devoured their meal as if they hadn't eaten in months. They were such merry creatures and their company was always pleasing to have.  
  
"Wait. Estella, I have something to talk about. Will you accompany me?"  
  
I was pretty annoyed by his request, but I had no choice. I followed him slipped away from the Hall and went out to the balcony.  
  
There was a long awkward silence between us until he finally broke the silence, "Estella, I love you."  
  
I stood quietly. I looked beyond Rivendell avoiding any eye contact with him, tried to think what I must do.  
  
"Estella." He called. He sounded desperate.  
  
"Yes? "  
  
"Why are you ignoring me? "  
  
I really didn't know how to answer him. I was silence. I knew I had to tell him my feeling, but I was afraid.  
  
"You don't love me, do you?" His voice softened.  
  
"You are a noble and kind Elf and I am honored among maiden Elves for having your favor on me, but I am afraid that I don't love you my Lord. Yet, I assure you that even if I do, that won't make any difference."  
  
"What do you mean, Estella?" He looked bewildered at my reply. He surely never expected such a statement came from my mouth and I was too, shocked at my own courage to speak them out.  
  
"I don't intend to marry my Lord, for some private reasons."  
  
"And that is?"  
  
I sighed. I hoped he would understand me. "My work as a healer consumes all my time and energy. I don't have much time for myself, let alone having a family. Please understand that. "  
  
"I don't expect you to take care at me as other wives do, Estella. I love you and I want to share my immortal life with you. I have lived twice you know, but I never have anyone to share my life with."  
  
I looked into his eyes. I saw loneliness there, loneliness of immortal with no one to share love. I felt sorry for him, but his request was too much for me. I couldn't help him. "I am sure Eru had provided best soulmate for you, my Lord. But I am not the one. Please don't force me into marriage. None of us will be happy."  
  
We fell into deep silence again. Glorfindel seemed to ponder my words. I really wish I could go back to the Feast but I didn't dare. It wasn't polite and I always tried to get away from him as soon as we met. I was sure he was hurt by my actions. So then, I was greatly relieved when Aragorn and Gimli came to us.  
  
"There you are Estella. We are searching for you everywhere. Gimli wants to meet the girl who wins Legolas heart. " Aragorn laughed.  
  
I stole a glance to Glorfindel. He was looking away, immersed in his own mind about the subject we had just discussed. I didn't know if he had heard Aragorn or not.  
  
"Ah its you, my Lady. The Lady of Light's daughter." Gimli bowed.  
  
I smiled to him. I knew Gimli was very fond of mother and he liked me very much, especially he knew that I was kind and respectful to Dwarves as well as to other races.  
  
"You said you and Legolas are just friends. " I turned around and saw Glorfindel frowned. Oops, he heard it.  
  
"Yes. We are, my Lord. It's just a misunderstanding. Legolas and I are just bestfriend and nothing more."  
  
"No one blames you if it is true." Glorfindel spoke again. I could sense no jealousy or anger in his voice; he only wanted to know the truth.  
  
"Someone might get wrong impression considering our closeness with one another, but we are friends. No more and no less."  
  
Aragorn and Gimli looked at me, puzzled, but they didn't say anything. "Well I think I better go back to the Feast." I hurriedly walked to the Hall before anyone could raise any question again.  
  
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Is it good? Is it bad? Pls pls tell me. I am really curious. Your review meant a world to me!!! 


	10. Accident

Disclaimer: All character, but Estella belongs to Tolkien. Estella is mine. My Mary sue and a picture of a perfect girl.  
  
A/N : Thanks for those who reviews. You don't know how I appreciate them * tears *. To be honest, I almost stop writing this fic, but you guys make me write more and more. So, do you want me to finish it sweetly? Give me long reviews.  
  
Part X: The Accident  
  
~Estella~  
  
Part I  
  
I entered the Hall to grab a goblet of wine before going out again. I didn't like Feast after all; I just came to please Legolas. The Hall was too crowded and I needed to clear my mind so I went to the waterfall alone to find solitude I desperately needed.  
  
"Estella!" I heard someone called me and turned back. It was Lord Elrond.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I saw you slipping away from the Feast. Anything wrong, Estella?" his voice was soft and full of concerned. Lord Elrond had always kind to me, teaching me with patience and fatherly kind of love. I respected him beyond anyone, except my foster parents.  
  
"Nothing, my Lord. I just need some peace. Crowds make me feel uneasy."  
  
Elrond looked at me and smiled. "You are very beautiful tonight, my child. You remind me of my beloved wife." I could sense a slight sadness and longing in his voice. I knew he loved his wife with all his heart and soul. The departure of Celebrian to the West had left sorrow in many people, mostly her husband.  
  
I smiled politely, "Thank you."  
  
"Glorfindel told me he cancelled his wish to court you. He said you have rejected his proposal."  
  
Oh no. I was speechless. I knew Lord Elrond and Glorfindel were good friends. What did he think about me, breaking the heart of his bestfriend?  
  
He seemed to notice my uneasiness. "Don't worry, Estella. I am not angry. I don't forbid Arwen, my beloved daughter, to give up her immortality for Estel. Why would I get upset to you for choosing your own destiny? " His kind and unyielding tone soothed me.  
  
"I am not blaming you for rejecting marriage with someone you don't love. In fact, I know you will not agree. But what about Legolas? I know he loves you, and so do you."  
  
"He will sail to the West soon. The sea has called him, my Lord. I cannot leave Middle Earth for I still feel that I am needed here. I know you understand, my Lord. For you too have stayed for Middle Earth." I replied.  
  
He sighed. "Aye, Estella. I do understand. Maybe I understand this misery too much. That's why I am concern about you. Are you sure you want to endure this pain of loneliness?"  
  
"Yes." I said. I met his eyes with my most determined gazed. No doubt was in my voice, but in my heart I started to question myself if I have the strength to live all my immortality alone.  
  
"Very well then." He headed toward the Hall again, but suddenly he turned back again, facing me. "I almost forget to tell you Estella. Since you don't go to Lorien with Glorfindel, you can take charge of the Healing House again. I will attend Arwen's wedding in Minas Tritith next week. I wish to bring you, but I need someone I can trust to take care of Healing House."  
  
I smiled, "I will take the responsibility gratefully, my Lord. Don't worry. I can go and see Arwen and Estel later on."  
  
He smiled. " Estel and Estella. What a coincidence to have two children with same name."  
  
Part II  
  
A week after the Feast, many of Elves went to Minas Titrith, attending Arwen and Aragorn's wedding. Almost all Royal Family joined Lord Elrond to the wedding, save for few who ruled Rivendell while Elrond gone.  
  
I took charge in Healing House again which formerly was the Last Homely House. I didn't have to work as hard as before as patients lessened, so I got more time for myself which I used to read or traveled with Eryn.  
  
As I worked, I noticed very soon that somehow somewhat my co-workers, especially the females loathed me more than before. They didn't rebel or challenge my commands or such a thing they used to do, but every time I looked into their eyes, loath and disgust were there. I was really puzzled and angry, but I kept my feeling and worked as if nothing happened. Little that I knew that my insignificant mischief during the Feast played a part of my own destruction.  
  
  
  
I walked alone to find consolation and solitude in the woods when I heard someone sobbing. I approached the sound carefully and found one of my co- workers, Melani was there, crying and sobbing. She didn't notice me coming for she was too preoccupied by her sorrow.  
  
"Melani? Is something wrong?"  
  
She turned and saw me. To my surprise, her eyes flamed with hatred and anger. She looked at me with utmost contempt and bitterness.  
  
"What are you doing here? Are you spying on me? Trying to find my weakness so you can use it against me? Rejoice over my anguish?" Her voice and words were harsh and it made me angry.  
  
"What are you talking about? Who spy you? I heard someone cried, I thought someone get hurt or something so I came and check." I raised my voice.  
  
"Yea, the altruistic Estella. Living only to help others." She laughed bitterly.  
  
Hearing her bitter laughter and noticing the sorrow in her eyes, I forced myself to stay calm. My voice soften as I spoke to her, " What is it that troubles you, melamin? Can I help you?"  
  
"You are not going to call me melammin. What is my problem? My problem is you! Perfect Princess from Lorien who steals everyones heart. The kindhearted, self sacrificing Estella. Only few who really know who you are. And if they do, maybe they wont regard you so high anymore."  
  
I tried to remain calm and it took all my determination to do that for holding my temper was not something I accustomed to do. But this time, I could sense something different, so I kept my voice low. "Have I done something wrong to you? Please forgive me if I loose my temper sometimes. My work and my responsibility often put me under a lot of stress."  
  
"Is it your temper that make you so evil? Nay, it isn't. It is your self centeredness, your pride of being the best of all maiden –Elves, the one who could steal every man's heart and break it. And I hate you for that."  
  
"I never feel that way." I was annoyed. What was she heading to? Why should I even care for her?  
  
"Never? Never in your whole life you think how you might hurt others? Have you ever considered the feeling of a broken heart girl? Not even when you toy their jealousy for your pleasure? To show off how you have robbed the thing she desires most? "  
  
"What exactly are you talking about? " I raised my voice. My anger had beaten up my sympathy or concern. But I was curious enough to keep asking.  
  
"You KNOW I love Legolas. But you mocked my feeling!"  
  
"Me? Mocking your feeling? When? " I asked, but then suddenly the answer was clear to me. I remembered the Feast. While I was dancing with Legolas, I approached Melani and her friends on purpose, just to tease them, to burn their jealousy even more. I knew not that Melani was truly in love with him and how my behavior affected her. I felt guilty.  
  
"I am sorry Melani." I finally said with a soft tone. I really meant it. I seldom considered the feeling of others. Maybe that's why my other co- workers were so angry with me, they knew I broke Melani's heart. I thought silently.  
  
"Sorry? Sorry for what? Legolas loves you, not me. I am no one. I am just a servant girl, an Elf with low status and no beauty. " Her voice softened, but still filled with bitterness.  
  
"You are beautiful indeed, Melani." I tried to comfort her, but without success.  
  
Tears started to well up in her eyes again. She sank her face to her hands and sob. "No. I am no one. Legolas will never pay attention to me, let alone love me."  
  
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't deny that the chance was slim Legolas would ever fall in love with her. She was a beautiful Elf, even though she denied it, but I knew she wasn't Legolas' type. I stood there silently for a while.  
  
"I better die." She wailed and sobbed.  
  
"Please don't. This is not the end of everything. Perhaps you can find love again and happy." Comforting a broken heart maiden was something I never did. I had broken hearted, but they never made me despair, I always had so many reasons to keep on going.  
  
"I would die. Yes, I would. I don't want to die painfully. I want to end this misery now! " She screamed.  
  
With that words she ran toward a ravine a few paces on her left. Shocked by her actions, I knew she intended to throw herself into it, ending her life.  
  
"No!!" I yelled. I ran to her as fast as I could and I grabbed her waist just in time before she fell from the cliff. But as I threw her body to my side, I lost my balance. My feet slipped and I felt myself falling to the deep abyss.  
  
Then everything went dark.  
  
Don't worry. I wont kill her. Not yet. LOL. But what happened after she fell? No easy solution for I want interesting story. She will suffer a lot !  
  
I really appreciate if you guys give me idea for the story though. Give me review pls!!!!! Reviews help me write quicker. 


	11. The Rescue

A/N: I don't own LOTR. But I own Estella! Pls don't use her without my consent!!!!  
  
Thanks for the review; they keep me going. :- ).  
  
  
  
Part XI: The Rescue  
  
~Legolas~  
  
Lord Elrond and I headed back to Rivendell from Minas Titrith after Aragorn and Arwen's wedding. It was the most beautiful unity of the soul in marriage that I ever seen. I was happy for them, yet felt envy for their joy and happiness.  
  
We were going to reach Rivendell in the night when a messenger met us in the road.  
  
"Formen! What happened? Why are you rushing in hurry?"  
  
Formen, the messenger jumped from his horse and bowed deeply to respect Lord Elrond.  
  
"I brought a sad but urgent news, my Lord. Lady Estella had fallen into a ravine."  
  
I almost fell from Arod, shocked. "What? When? How is she now?" I almost yelled to the messanger, frightened with Estella's life.  
  
"It happened yesterday, my Lord. But we don't know her condition. The ravine was too deep with slippery cliff. We cannot get down, let alone saving her. There was nothing we can do."  
  
I was frozen in horror. Chill running through my vein when I thought about the worst possibility. Lord Elrond, however, remained calm. He thought for a while before he made a decision.  
  
"I must summon Gwaihir then. Come, let us go. No time to spare." With the words we raced our horsed as fast as we could to the ravine where Estella had fell with Formen leading us.  
  
As Elrond rode his horse swiftly, I heard him chanted to the sky, summoning Gwaihir*. Few minutes before we reached the ravine's edge I could saw Gwaihir flew above us. Elrond didn't slow his horse but he talked to Gwaihir while speeding his horse.  
  
We reached the ravine few hours later. Elrond quickly jumped down from his horse and sat to Gwaihir's back. "Formen, hurry. Go back to Rivendell to set up everything in Healing Room for Estella. You know what to do. Hurry! Legolas, stay alert. Prepare my first aid. I will bring Estella up."  
  
Formen nodded and he raced his horse to Rivendell. I reached for Elrond's bag and searched for any herbs or ailment while Gwaihir brought Elrond down to the deep abyss.  
  
Minutes passed like eternity as I waited in great worry. I tried to look down but I could not see anything. The abyss was deep with mist of fog covering it. Even my keen Elven sight could not reached to the bottom. I just knew it was deep and dangerous. I prayed and prayed that Estella would survive though the chance was thin.  
  
I saw Gwaihir ascended from the ravine bringing two persons behind him. It was Elrond and Estella. Elrond's grave look sank my heart but I pushed it away. I hurriedly reached them, ready to help.  
  
"Don't worry, she is still alive. She broke her bones, her backbones in fact. It was a miracle she could survive. But she faded quickly. Gwaihir, please bring her to Rivendell. I don't dare to mount her on a horse. I will reach you there as fast as I can."  
  
Gwaihir nodded and flew again. Elrond and I mounted on our horse and sped up to Rivendell.  
  
The moment we reached the Healing House, Gwaihir was already there waiting for us. Estella still lied unconscious on his back for none dared to move her, save Elrond.  
  
"Legolas, come here. Help me carry her to the room!"  
  
Carefully Elrond moved Estella from Gwaihir's back and held her. I held her feet and with great caution we moved her to the closest Healing Room.  
  
"Leave us Legolas. Do not enter or disturb us no matter what." Elrond commanded sternly. With his words I left the room and waited outside suffering uncertainty and worry.  
  
Two long hours later, Elrond came out. His mimic and his eyes added my fear, for his expression showed the news he brought would not be a good one.  
  
"How is she? Is she all right?" I rushed toward him impatiently.  
  
"She will live; that's for sure. But we'll have to see a couple of days before I can be sure if she could recover. "  
  
I was puzzled and afraid. "What do you mean? She will live, wont she? What do you mean by recovery? "  
  
Elrond looked me into my eyes "Legolas, I must prepare you for this. If my diagnosis is true, pray that I am wrong, and then you must know before she does, for she will need you more than ever. "  
  
"Lord Elrond, please tell me. What is wrong with her? Please." I pressed on.  
  
He let out a deep sigh and looked away, not daring to meet my eyes. I waited impatiently for his reply.  
  
A moment later, he answered, sending the last and worst blow to my heart.  
  
"There is possibility she might not be able to recover completely, Legolas. She might not able to walk again."  
  
  
  
*Gwaihir = the big Eagle who helped Gandalf when he was imprisoned in Orthanc.  
  
Sorry, NO ORCS! I 've read too many stories about Elves ( OC or Legolas) tortured by Orcs. I don't mind sending my Estella to the Orcs for a while, but I want unique plot for my story. I never know any lame Mary sue or Elf so I make one.  
  
So what will happen next? See you in next chapter. REVIEW!!!! KEEP MY WRITING SPIRIT HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	12. Bad News

Part XII : The Bad News  
  
~Legolas~  
  
I sat beside her bed, holding her hand. Estella's eyes were closed. Sorrow filled my heart as I saw her pale and thin figure lying helpless on the bed. Her pulse and breath were barely discernable. I knew she will live, but I dreaded her future. I shuddered at the thought that she would be cripple the rest of her immortality.  
  
"Legolas?"  
  
"Yes?" I turned and met Glorfindel behind me bringing a tray. Worried and sadness painted on his eyes. Surely Elrond had told him about Estella.  
  
"You have to eat something." He put the tray to a table beside my chair.  
  
"I am not hungry. " I turned my back, my hand still held Estella's.  
  
"You don't help her by starving yourself. She'll need you, so pull yourself together." Glorfindel didn't sound jealous or angry. He merely concerned about Estella and me. What a noble man, I thought. I wondered if I could show such unselfish concern toward man who stole my bride to be.  
  
Understanding the truth behind his words, I put Estella's hand down and ate some apples. I found it very hard to swallow, but I pushed myself to finish the food. Glorfindel gave a faint smile watching me eat. "Good. Now you have to do something. Estella needs to drink this potion. Give it to her."  
  
I took one gulp from the flask Glorfindel handed me then I slowly bent down and touched Estella's lips. I transferred the potion in my mouth to hers. 'Wake up Estella' I whispered inside my heart.  
  
~Estella~  
  
I didn't know how long had I stayed unconscious. I remembered being awakened by lips touching mine with warm sweet liquid flowing down my throat. I choke and tried to sit, but pain wrecked my body and I wailed.  
  
"Estella. You are awake." I heard Legolas whispering near my face.  
  
"Don't get up, Estella. Lay still. You broke your back." He gently pushed me to lie down on a pillow again.  
  
I blinked twice and my vision cleared. The pain was still there, tearing my body, but I pushed it aside with great effort. I saw Legolas above me, holding a flask. I supposed it was him who put the liquid to my throat.  
  
"Legolas." I whimpered. The pain was too much.  
  
"Yes, Estella." He put aside the flask and held my left hand. I gripped his hand tight.  
  
"How long? ………Cough…how long I am here? I alive? What happened? " My words were incoherent, but I was sure he could catch the meaning.  
  
"You fell from ravine and broke your back, Estella. You have been unconscious for more than a week."  
  
"More than … a week? " With the words I passed out once again from pain.  
  
The liquid awakened me again. This time I let him poured it into my mouth before I showed any kind of consciousness. The pain somehow gone, but I was too nauseous to open my eyes so I just pretended I was still asleep.  
  
"Legolas?" I heard Elrond's voice. So Elrond let Legolas helped me drink. I didn't have the strength to ponder why wouldn't he choose another female healer to do the job instead of Legolas.  
  
"How is she? " His voice approaching. I heard the chamber door being shut gently and a chair being dragged to the side of my bed. I felt a hand, which must be Elrond's, helding my left wrist checking my pulse.  
  
"She is fine. Still unconscious. But improving. Her pulse is stable and getting stronger. "  
  
Legolas replied softly. I heard a flask being put on a table.  
  
"How is her improvement, my Lord?" That was Legolas' voice.  
  
"She is recovering, quicker than I expected. Such a strong girl she is."  
  
"Is that mean she can…" Legolas sounded very excited.  
  
"No, I am afraid she is not. " Elrond's voice turned sad. They stimulated my curiosity. I was sure they would not tell me what happened if I opened my eyes, so I kept my eyes shut and listened.  
  
There was silent for some time before Legolas spoke again. "Is there any hope she can walk again, my Lord?" His words chilled me to my bone. What did he mean by maybe I can walk again?  
  
"There is always hope, Legolas. But we have to be ready for the worst possibility."  
  
I fainted. It wasn't caused by my physical pain for there were none, Lord Elrond must give me some kind of potion to numb the pain, but for the conversation I just heard between them. There was big chance that I would never walk again.  
  
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COME ON! REVIEW ME! FLAME ME! ANYTHING. 


	13. Despair

Part XIII: Despair  
  
~Estella~  
  
Never in my life I felt such despair. I always coped with grief and sorrow stronger than any Elf. No sadness could defeat me before.  
  
Not when Erundome, my closest friend died, not when someone broke my heart, not even when I rejected Legolas' proposal while I desired it with all my heart.  
  
Never.  
  
This was not fair. I was trying to help someone's life. I argued.  
  
It would be better if I died.  
  
I could not face my immortality paralyzed.  
  
I was alone.  
  
Afraid.  
  
Fear and despair overcame me. There was no way out.  
  
My future was dark.  
  
There were no hope, no light, no reason to life.  
  
My still breathing body betrayed me.  
  
I wanted to die!  
  
I could find consolance nowhere.  
  
Life was meaningless.  
  
Slowly, I sank into darkness. 


	14. Cry No Tears

A/N: My dear Misty, Estella wont die. NO WAY. I like her too much. But about the cripple thing… just keep reading. I wont dissapoint my faithful reviewers. I really appreaciate your reviews, pls critics me. I need them to write better. :- ).  
  
  
  
Part XIV: Cry No Tears  
  
~Estella~  
  
I was completely aware that despair was beginning to consume my soul and life. Yet, I could not die yet. I knew exactly that Legolas loved me with all his heart and my death could be his destruction. The least I could do for him was to continue living, pretending I was fine, until he got bored with me and left. Then I could end this pain forever.  
  
And so I suppressed my sadness as hard as I could and opened my eyes.  
  
~Legolas~  
  
"Estella." She finally came back to consciousness after several weeks. Little that I knew she had been awoken few times before but pretended asleep. I held her hand and helped her to sit. Elrond told me that she was able to sit; maybe someday she could even mount a horse, but she could never use her feet anymore.  
  
"Hi, Legolas." She spoke softly. Her tone was neutral.  
  
"Welcome back, Estella." I could not hold broad smile on my face seeing her awake.  
  
I put several pillow behind her to support her back. To my relief, she didn't notice that she could not move her feet. Nay, she was too weak; she could not face the cruel truth now. Not yet.  
  
She gave a very weak smile, but she smiled anyway. Only her eyes were gravely cold and sad.  
  
"Legolas. Thank you."  
  
"Thank you for what?"  
  
"For taking care of me while I am sick. Its no fun to be ill."  
  
"Its nothing, mellonnim. You are my best friend, and friends love at all time." I spoke gently, helding her hand. 'You are more than friend to me, do you know that? You almost kill me.' I pondered inside.  
  
"Can you please call Lord Elrond? I need to speak to him." Estella pleaded me.  
  
I went to call Elrond. He came to the chamber and smiled. "Its good that you are awake now, Estella. We thought we've lost you." He sat beside Estella checking her pulse. I prefered standing near the window watching them.  
  
Estella smiled to him sadly. "Can I ask you something, my Lord?"  
  
"Yes dear." I noticed Elrond didn't dare to meet Estella's eyes. Estella however gazed at him with sorrowful look.  
  
"Can I use my feet again?" Her question sent a shock right to my stomach. How could she possibly know? I took a glance at Elrond and I could very well tell he felt the same way as I did.  
  
Elrond looked down, avoiding her eyes. After a long silent, he managed to pull himself together and looked her in the eyes.  
  
"Estella, be strong." He held Estella's hand tight, comforting her.  
  
"So its true." Her voice pained my heart for it was so sad, her eyes filled with grief and bitterness, but she shed not a single tear.  
  
Elrond tried to embrace her but she refused. "I am fine, my Lord. I know it already, I just want to make sure." Her voice was icy cold.  
  
"How do you know, dear?" Elrond looked at her, but she turned away.  
  
"I heard you talked before, but I was too weak to open my eyes."  
  
"Please leave me alone, my Lord, Legolas. I need to be alone right now." She looked down, didn't dare to met our eyes.  
  
We both nodded and left her alone.  
  
There was deep silent between Elrond and I after we walked out of the room. Both of us worried about Estella.  
  
"Legolas?" Elrond finally broke the silence.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"How do you think she wil cope with this?"  
  
"I do not know, my Lord. I have seen many Elves grief to death, but she was stronger than any Elves I know when it comes to grief. She also has a very strong will to live. But… "  
  
"But what?"  
  
"I don't know if any Elf could survive when they have to face this dreadful disability the rest of their immortality."  
  
Elrond nodded and went away. I stood in front of her room feeling extremely miserable. Why wouldn't she let me comfort her? Accompany her through this hard time? I knew she was stubbornly proud of her independence and would not let others found her weak no matter what. I just wish she could set aside her pride for a moment.  
  
For the next couple of days, Estella's physical health was steadily improving. She never passed out anymore, and she could eat and sit by herself. She asked me to bring her books to read and asked me to leave her alone most of the time. She rejected visitors and strictly forbid us to tell anyone, even her foster parents, about her present condition. I wanted to carry her outside, to feel the wind, and enjoying the view, but she refused.  
  
She had changed so much. Her face was pale and she grew thinner. The joy and high spirited self within her ceased. She never shed a single tear. She built a wall around her; never let anyone knew her true feelings or thought, displaying no emotion in her face or voice. Only through her eyes could someone tell how her disability had destroyed her.  
  
And it destroyed me too.  
  
Elrond insisted someone to watch her during the night and I shouldn't do the job alone. Glorfindel offered himself and no one could find reason why he shouldn't. Estella didn't give any comment. In fact, she barely even talked.  
  
"Estella." I called her. I couldn't resist confronting her. I needed to know how she felt, what she thought.  
  
Estella put down the book she was reading. "Yes, Legolas?" I could not sense any emotion in her voice. She seemed so cold, distant, trapped in her own world. It shuddered to think how much she had changed.  
  
"How do you feel lately?" I gazed at her eyes, trying to pry to her inner world. All I could see was darkness and cold, there was no emotion at all, not even sorrow. And that frightened me.  
  
"I am fine." She answered briefly and returned to the book. Her face was expressionless.  
  
It was clear that she wanted me to ask no more.  
  
It was frustrating, but I was unable to push her further. I went outside and looked above the sky. I heard Glorfindel's footstep along the corridor approaching Estella's chamber for it was his turn to watch Estella tonight.  
  
"Glorfindel?"  
  
"Yes, Legolas?" he turned to face me who stood in the balcony.  
  
"How is Estella in your opinion?" Somehow I had expected what he would say, but I wish he would deny.  
  
After some time Glorfindel looked at me. With a soft voice he spoke, "She is dying."  
  
"The quickest way to die is to loose hope." He added. Sorrow was plain in his face.  
  
I nodded. I knew his answer was correct. Though Estella recovered physically, but she was dying emotionally. It was a matter of time before her dying soul killed her body.  
  
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Sad isn't it? I am in angsty mood. A little bit of angst will make this story more interesting. Just continue reading and reviewing. Critics are very welcomed. 


	15. Lady Arrived

Question: why everyone bother to post disclaimer? I think every one who can read know that this is a fanfic, that LOTR and the Fellowship don't belong to them, that the OC belong to the fic author (unless they borrow it from other authors, but that is less likely), and no one will sue them. Oh well, maybe Tolkien will come back to live if he only knew the way we write fanfic based on his characters. I don't offend you who put disclaimer, I just wonder whats the point.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Legolas, but neither any of us, he is not even real!  
  
Question 2: which one do you prefer? A story from the character's Point of View like I do, or a third party point of view?  
  
  
  
Part XV: The Lady Arrived  
  
~Legolas~  
  
Months passed by slowly. Estella still shut herself from us, but she could no longer hide her despair and grief. Yet, she resented any effort to console her. Her Elven light shone no more and her eyes were lifeless. She ate less and less every day and finally stopped eating. We tried to force her but she vomited every time she ate.  
  
"Glorfindel, what can we do now?" I was clearly desperate and helpless. My heart was torn and wrecked. Glorfindel, however, was calm, though his eyes sparked with worry and sorrow for Estella.  
  
"There is nothing we can do, Legolas. If she wants to die, how can we stop her?"  
  
"There must be something we can do!"I yelled. I grabbed a vase and broke it until blood dripped down from my wounded palms, but that pain couldn't compare the turmoil tormenting me inside.  
  
"Maybe there is something we can do, but certainly not wounding our own hands." Elrond showed up. He asked the servant to clean up the floor, which was a mess by my blood mixed with broken china.  
  
"Glorfindel, bring Asfaloth as fast as you can to Lothlorien. Bring the news to Lady Galadriel, she must know about Estella. Do not tarry for our time running short." He ordered. Glorfindel nodded and left.  
  
"Now, Legolas, my dear boy, come with me to check you hands. You do Estella no good by hurting your hand."  
  
I followed Elrond to clean up my wound when I heard a familiar beautiful voice behind us. "You need not ask Glorfindel to summon me, Elrond. My soul has alarmed me about my daughter."  
  
I turned and saw Lady Galadriel. She was beautiful as ever, wearing white cloak and hood as I saw her wear when the Fellowship departed from Lorien, but her eyes filled with worry and concern. A kind of worry not a Queen of Elves possessed for her people, but rather a worry of a mother for a daughter.  
  
"My Lady." I bowed to honor her.  
  
"You are wounded, yet your heart bleeds more than your scars." Her prying eyes reached into my suffering mind. She softly held my hands and chanted. Not long afterwards, my wound closed and the bleeding stopped.  
  
"Come, Mother. Let us go." Elrond led us to Estella's chamber.  
  
We opened the door and I was strucked in horror as I saw Estella lied lifeless on the bed. Estella's skin was bluish pale and her chest stopped moving. My mind went blank and I stood frozen at the door, staring at her still body.  
  
Galadriel quickly took Estella into her arms and embraced her gently while she sat on her bed. She chanted into Estella's ears with sad voice and unknown words. I was afraid it was too late, but then she opened her eyes slowly.  
  
"Mother?"  
  
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I am kind, lol. I don't leave you in cliffhanger. :-P.  
  
See? I don't let Estella dies. Lol. Keep Reviewing!  
  
Misty, thanks for the encouragement. Do you think my writing style improve along with the story? I am dying to learn Elvish, but I don't have time. My homeworks kills me slowly. Lol.  
  
A/N: I think Elrond will call Galadriel mother since she was his mother in law. I cannot imagine him calling her my Lady. But maybe I am wrong.  
  
REVIEW me pls! I'll post new chapter after I get reviews on this chapter, & I mean it! if no one likes it, I'll send next chapters to misty instead of posting it here, or I'll try writing new story, non romance and angsty ones. I just want to know if anyone actually read this fic so far. 


	16. Mother

Part XVI: Ammë*  
  
~Estella~  
  
I felt Life slowly diminished in my body. I stopped eating and pretending everything was fine. I didn't have the strength to go on anymore. There was no purpose for living; therefore I gladly allowed Death to took over my weakened body and soul.  
  
I thought I already dead when I heard a beautiful voice singing in my mind. I didn't understand what was said, but I was certain it was a kind of magic for I felt warmth rushing through my cold dying body. I was very disappointed the Death had spared me from the fate I longed with every breath I took each day. My consciousness came back to me slowly but sure. I could feel again. I knew someone was holding me and caress my hair gently.  
  
"Naneth*?" I opened my eyes. I saw my mother smiling at me. Her deep affection and concern was clear in her eyes.  
  
"Estella, iellen*." She kept caressing my hair with her silky touch. Comfortable and warm it was, but I was afraid. I trembled lightly, hoping it would go unnoticed, but she knew.  
  
"What are you afraid of, iellen?" She tried to pry into my eyes, but I shut them tight.  
  
"Naneth, please. Leave me alone." I whispered, for I didn't have any strength left. I opened my eyes to meet hers with pleading gaze.  
  
To my dismay, she didn't leave me; instead she ordered others to leave us alone, adding my fear.  
  
"What are you going to do to me, naneth?" I looked at her bewildered and afraid at the same time. I couldn't help but realized how helpless I was, I could not run away, I must surrender to anything people intend to do to me and that awareness increased my despair.  
  
"Please do not fear me. I have to help you. You have to deal with the pain before it overcomes you."  
  
"Please no. Don't ask me to face it." I had managed to suppress them with great effort for such a long time; I didn't want to loose my defense now. It was immensely painful and I didn't dare to face it.  
  
She started to sing a sad song. So sad, it touched the core of my being, emerging the sad emotion that I could suppress no more.  
  
She reached out her arms, trying to hug me. Tears welled up in my eyes, it was useless to fight it, but I kept trying. I shut my eyes and pushed her away with my feeble hands. "Please, naneth, please." I begged. My voice faded, tears streaming down my face. I stopped pushing her as I sank my face to my hands and sobbed, my body shook harder.  
  
Mother didn't say a word. Neither power nor wisdom could heal my wounded soul, and she knew it perfectly well. She embraced my shaking body with all gentleness and affection she could give. "I know it is hard for you, Estella." She tried to soothe me, but I became furious. I burst in my anguish, "No, you don't know." She was not surprised at my outrage, though I never spoke to her in such manner. She hugged me again and I sobbed even harder, the dam of tears I held for months exploded and tears flowed freely.  
  
"Mourn, iellen. Cry. Let it go. Tears will wash away the bitterness." She comforted me as I cried in her shoulder. "Say what is in your heart. Do not keep it."  
  
"I …I…. I am afraid of my future. So afraid. I cannot face it. I want to die." I murmured with my weak voice. She held me tighter. Warm tears fell from her eyes touching my skin.  
  
"Forgive me, naneth. Please forgive me." I sank my face deeper to her shoulder. My body still shaking.  
  
"You have committed no crime, dear."  
  
"I am such a coward." I was too weak to cry again, but the tears were still flowing.  
  
"Who would call you coward but yourself? Nay, you are a courageous Elf, and always be." Her comforting words couldn't convince me, but I didn't argue.  
  
After long hours of weeping and sobbing we broke apart. I still felt depressed, but somehow it felt better than numbness. She softly wiped away my tears from my face, then raised and went to the table to bring me a plate of fruits and a goblet of liquid. "You must eat something, Estella."  
  
I nodded. She sat beside me and watched as I ate. "It has been long since I could feel the joy of having you around me." I couldn't help by smile at her; she often used complicated words when speaking. "I miss you too, nana*."  
  
"I haven't heard that word for so long, iellen." She looked very pleased as a broad smile spreading on her graceful face. It was an intimate word which I stopped using after I learned that I wasn't her blood daughter. I knew not that she actually took delight in hearing me call her nana.  
  
I ate few berries and a couple gulps of the liquid, fortunately without vomiting. I couldn't eat more and she didn't push me to. She kissed me on my forehead and walked to the door. I thought she was leaving, but as if she heard my silent plea, she turned around. "I will stay with you tonight, Estella. Long journey doesn't tire me, but weary of your well being does."  
  
*Ammë = mother in Quenya  
  
*naneth = mother in Sindarin  
  
*iellen = my daughter in Sindarin. Iell or sell = daughter, -en = my.  
  
*nana = mom in Sindarin.  
  
  
  
Anyone still care to review? This story will end in few more chapters. 


	17. Guilt and Forgiveness

Part XVII: Guilt and Forgiveness  
  
~Legolas~  
  
Glorfindel rushed to meet Galadriel when she came out of Estella's chamber. We were very relieved that she somehow managed to bring Estella back to live again, but we were still worry, listening to the mourning Estella just cried out.  
  
She smiled as she saw us approaching her with eyes filled with curiosity. "She has come back to Life and she will recover. I will stay with her tonight. Rest, for you have burdened by weary and sorrow on her behalf. And for this, I shall forever thank you." She bowed to us gracefully.  
  
"No, please don't thank us, my Lady. She is our friend, and we hold her dearly in our heart." Glorfindel pleaded.  
  
The Lady smiled misteriously, as she looked into Glorfindel's eyes then mine. "A friend? Yes, she is your friend, and beyond. Still I must show you my gratitude for you prevented me from suffering another lost of my daughter. "  
  
"Can we see her?"  
  
"Be patient, Legolas. She just let herself experienced the pain she hold for so long. Her pride will not allow anyone to see her in such vulnerable state. "  
  
I nodded; knowing that seeing her now would only cause her suffer. Still, deep down inside I wished that I could be the one who ease her suffering, bringing her old high spirit self back again.  
  
Lady Galadriel stayed for few months before she went back to her Golden Wood. Elrond told me the reason she abandoned Lorien for such a long time; she could not bear to loose another child again. Amroth and Celebrian left her to the sea and Estella was paralyzed. She wanted to bring Estella back to Lorien, but Galadrhim lived on trees, and it would be troublesome for Estella to wander around.  
  
Estella recovered and her health was back into normal. We made her a wheelchair to use and she gratefully accept it. She worked as a healer again, though Elrond had spared many duties from her. She tried very hard to be her old self, but I could see the sorrow and bitterness in her deep melancholic eyes and her grave face which completely the opposite of Estella I knew before.  
  
And I grieved with her.  
  
  
  
"Estella?" We were walking around Rivendell with her wheelchair, enjoying the night breeze with the moonlight and stars showered their light upon us. It was a beautiful spring night with myrtle fragrance delighted our soul.  
  
"Yes Legolas?"  
  
"I am glad you don't leave me."  
  
She chuckled, but didn't say a word. There was deep silent between us, yet we were speaking into each other heart. Trials had strengthened our bond of friendship and understanding.  
  
"Estella?" I heard a soft voice behind us, and we turned. It was Melani, Estella's subordinate in Healing House, a young beautiful Elf maiden. I never saw her again after the accident and didn't know about her attempt to suicide, which led to Estella fell to the ravine. We never talked about the matter, simply because we thought it was too painful for her.  
  
Estella looked away suddenly, but say nothing. "What is the matter Melani?"  
  
The girl shuddered and sobbed, her body shook. "Forgive me, Estella. Forgive me." The words came out of her mouth between her sobs puzzling me. I …I… come here to offer myself as your servant forever. I want to pay the suffering I caused you."  
  
Estella gripped my hand, which held her wheelchair, with trembling hand, sent more questions to my mind. She silenced for quite a long time and Melani still sobbed and cried. I didn't dare say a word for I didn't understand what had happened. I just had a feeling this was something they must settled by themselves.  
  
At last her gripping hand loosened and she finally calmed. She looked very peaceful and determined, somethings I thought she had lost long ago. "Melani, I forgive you."  
  
Melani was clearly surprised as she stopped sobbing instantly and starred Estella's back. "You forgive me? Just that? After this terrible I caused you?"  
  
Estella sighed deeply, but her voice sounded no doubt, "Yes I do."  
  
Melani cried and sobbed again. She ran to Estella and fell to her knee in front of her. " I am so sorry. I cannot forgive myself. " She burst into tears again as she place her head on Estella's lap.  
  
Estella gently caressed her hair and spoke softly, "There, there. Melani, look at me. Listen." Melani stopped sobbing and raised her head; her eyes met Estella's.  
  
Estella gazed at her with compassion and forgiveness, no contempt was in her voice as she spoke," Melani, you are still very young. 300 years were not a long time in Elves life. You have eternity ahead of you; do not put the burden of guilt upon your shoulder. Learn to forgive yourself as I learn to forgive you."  
  
"Why? Oh I am damned for causing such a great Elf to suffer. "  
  
Estella looked up. "Why, you said? Nay, I am not such a noble creature. I forgive you for myself, not for your sake. And my forgiveness comes not without effort."  
  
"I don't understand." Confusion and questions were plain on her face.  
  
"I must go on living with this condition no matter hard it is. Bitterness surely wont make it easier. I must let go, accept the fate and go on. And you should to."  
  
Melani nodded. She wiped away her tears.  
  
"However, I don't let you escape this easily." Estella smiled.  
  
"What do you mean, Estella?"  
  
"You must continue your life and if you ever give up, I will not forgive you."  
  
She nodded. "No, I will not dissappoint you. Never."  
  
"Now, hush you. Looks like Legolas starts to go crazy waiting for us." She smiled again.  
  
Melani grinned and stood up. She went away without looking at me, clearly embarrassed by the action she just did.  
  
"Would someone care to explain what happened?" I asked, puzzled.  
  
Estella grinned and turned to face me." You look cute with your perplexed look. Unfortunately, I am in evil mood now. So I'll let your curiosity kills you." She laughed.  
  
I was so glad she laughed again and pushed her no more. Her heart and soul would recover. And nothing was more important.  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
What do you think? Want a sequel? Well, if I get enough request…… maybe. 


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